I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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