I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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