My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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