You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
