OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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