I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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