When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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