Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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