Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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