is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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