he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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