you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I party with great urgency now.
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