You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You can't motorboat a personality
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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