Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
