i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
