I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
tell me about the fingering
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