i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
