I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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