I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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