Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
