**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
