that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
