No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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