And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
