found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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