I look better un-naked...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
