My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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