i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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