The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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