puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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