Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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