I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
