He is an equal opportunity slut.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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