the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
