someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
