Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
