You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
