I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
