I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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