3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
bring money and cleavage
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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