You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
