A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
