I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
