you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
All I want is dick and wine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
