and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
