the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize