I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
