He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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