sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
