he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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