My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
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Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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