I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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