just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
