fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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