my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
