I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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