why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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